We were able to save Durango, he's made it long past the critical deadline, and now, instead of feeling relieved, I am waiting to hear from a veterinarian who specializes in disease, whether Durango and his mother have to be euthanized. The irony.

They are carriers of Panleukopenia, and if they can spread it via their bodily fluids, they are unadoptable. The small cat rescue center I have been working with have never had a case like this before, so they have had to approach an expert to find out what the next step is.

My house is a hot zone of ebola level virus which is going to live here for an entire year, if you can even believe this shit. My cats are immune, they are and will be fine, panleuk only affects young kittens and elderly sick cats.

Even though Zoe and the kittens were confined to my foyer the minute I brought them in, and ebola killer cleansing solutions were used after exiting the foyer each time I went in to care for them, I can guarantee 100% that there have been times that I managed to spread that virus into the house. I am not familiar with CDC level bio hazard containment, and that is what was required here.

I can not have kittens in this house for a year because of the contamination, but I think it goes without saying that I am not going to go through this again. The tole this has taken on my emotional state has hit meltdown levels but I'm trying to keep a lid on that.

Pet owners, hug your veterinarians because even though they saved your pet, there is a very dark side of their jobs, and there is always going to be certain heart wrenching cases that intrude on their dreams.

I will never, ever forget my experience with little Wolfgang, he will haunt me forever. He will be on my list of upsetting, soul crushing things I relive upon waking at 2:00 am and which force me to distract myself with a book, a movie, or anything that will take my thoughts to a better place.

Shrinks are so wrong when they tell you that you have to talk about and relive painful events you went through - you have to bury that shit deep and await the development of a drug that erases your memories.