So anyway, I am playing the part of this completely computer illiterate numbskull and it's so fun to be jerking their chain.
'Oh no! I have bad stuff on my computer? And you can fix it? Oh, thank goodness!'
They are trying like mad to guide me through their fraud and I'll ask them to repeat what they said, and then I'll say 'YOU'RE BREAKING UP!' and hang up and they'd call me right back. I've told them I'm 'no good at computers' but those good people at Microsoft are trying really hard to fix the bad things that infected my computer!
They were telling me to open up shit and I'd play along and they'd say, 'Now type this into the box.' and I'd be like, 'Oh no! The box closed on me all of a sudden! I hit the X. Should I have hit the big X?' and they'd patiently start over again and then I'd say, 'Oh! Hold on a minute! My cat is fixing to be sick on my carpet!' then I'd hang up and they'd call right back again.
They tell me to open a browser and I say 'What's that?' and they tell me to type an address into the address bar and they're saying 'M like mother' and I say 'Brother?' and then they say 'Now type in .com' and I say 'OK, you mean d like david, o like orange, t like tiger?' and they say, 'No, just type a period.' and I say, 'OK, so I removed all the other stuff and now I just have a period in there. Now what? Press enter? '
They're telling me to press the Windows key together with the R key, and I'm saying, 'What's a Windows key? I have a wavy flag key, and I have a key that looks like a sun on it, oh, and this key that looks like a cell phone tower. I have this other key which...I don't know what that picture is supposed to be...'
If it was me at the other end of the phone, I would be committing suicide but these people have real staying power.
I better go! The phone's ringing again!