Entries, she wrote.

To the best of her knowledge.

Who cares how you wrap your gifts, seriously?
Scratch Things
Yeah, nobody does.


Every year I change my wrapping theme but it's always rustic, I always use kraft paper, and it always impresses people. I always tell them that the wrapping presentation is better than what's actually in the box. (True)

Here's what they all look like this year, except for the ones that have nibbled star points, and I really hope whoever nibbled them got a salt dough overdose and felt less than great for a little while.

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This and that.
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I am still not allowed to lift anything over ten pounds, and do you know what weighs more than ten pounds? Everything. Like the Brita water jug for example.
I do not like having anyone doing anything for me that I can do for myself so all of this 'would you mind passing the vacuum?' or 'can you make the bed?' and 'can you carry this?' is getting really old.

It snowed 35 centimeters over the last twelve or so hours and normally I would be out there shovelling but I'm looking out the window watching Robert handling all of it and I'm wishing I could help because shovelling after the first major snowfall is really fun, especially right before Christmas.

I am ashamed to say that I was a big ole baby while I was in the hospital and cried over the fact that I was barfing so much, and that my hand blew up and hurt from a bad vein that had an IV plugged into it, and then again when they flushed out my IV in a different vein and they plunged the syringe so damn hard that I could see the vein swell up from the gusher. Call the whaaaambulance.

I got home and the first thing I did before I even got my coat off was to puke in the sink because the toilet was a foot further away.

I spent the next two weeks in bed, getting up only to use the bathroom and grab things like yogurt and packaged chocolate pudding and thinking that five days without a shower was perfectly fine.

I feel a lot better now, but TEN POUNDS! Everything weighs more than ten pounds!

On the lighter side, here is Rufus sporting a turtle neck sweater which slays my face off.

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This cat is so laid back.

I'm desperate, please help
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I have been caring for this abandoned cat since April. I rescued him from the street when I saw him kicked in the head before I could run out and stop it from happening. He was unconscious when I got to him. He has recovered and while I am completely attached to him, I can't keep him as I already have five cats, three of which were homeless when they found me. I really can't take on another cat, even though I care deeply about him.

He truly would make a loving pet. He is neutered, friendly, affectionate, good natured and gets along with other cats once he gets to know them. He will sit in my lap to be pet and would lie there all day if I let him.

With the cold weather coming, I want him indoors. I have been trying to get him adopted, but I have no option other than a shelter that euthanizes because I really can't bear to watch him suffer through the winter.

If you can help in any way, please message me. I have posted his info online with Petfinder and with a shelter website, but have had no luck.
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Thanks in advance.

Of interest to cat owners
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After a seemingly unending search for a very small mat to put in front of my patio doors, I purchased what I thought was a temporary fix - namely a really cheap half circle outdoor jute mat. While I loved the look of it, I felt it was inappropriate for indoor use.

Lo and freaking behold, it's become a completely indestructible cat scratching 'post', and try as she will, Annabelle can't destroy it in the least, AND SHE'S STOPPED TRYING TO KILL THE CLUB CHAIR I paid $500 to reupholster. Joy! Serendipity!

Also, of interest to no one.

I am lazy so I buy almost everything online, and today, I needed A PEN THAT WRITES and found a few I like on the Staples website (Bureau en Gros if you're in Quebec, and how in the world 'office wholesale' somehow translates to 'staples' I'll never know.).

I am in the process of ordering these items that I can't get at the store, and I decide to have it sent to my local Bureau en Gros because I actually like browsing through stationery stores, and I'm cheap so I figure I'll save on postage.

They want $15 to ship my order to my local Bureau en Gros store. Really?

Go home, Staples - you're drunk.

Probably only of interest to me. And anyway, is there anyone really out there?
For the life of me, I just can't walk by a vintagey looking advertising tin with fabulous graphics and leave it there. Yesterday I found this beauty filled with pure junk geometry instruments, but for $5, who the hell cares?

Helix Oxford Tin photo BootiesampTins002_zps06bb97d4.jpg

It just so happens that I stumbled upon a geometry set that belonged to my father and it's ancient and high quality and now they have a new home.

This is a tin

Crayola Tin photo BootiesampTins003_zpsbc5a8e7d.jpg

I coveted so much that I agreed to pay over $10 plus shipping on eBay even though I knew that it was worth $2.59 at any Cracker Barrel in the United States or in limited stores anywhere and everywhere in Canada other than Quebec because the advertising lacks French and thus makes Francophones cry, and therefore is illegal to sell here. I will let you know if I am arrested for owning this contraband if it ever comes to that.


I didn't realize that a package of crayons came with it and my God, I dare you to smell a package of Crayola crayons and not be immediately transported back to your little five year old self. Oh, the nostalgia of it all!

Edit I just noticed that Binney & Smith mention Paris on their advertising, and oh my god, the irony, it burns.

Well that flew by in the blink of an eye...
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Justin headed back to Taiwan yesterday and I watched his plane touch down in Hong Kong about a half hour ago with knots in my stomach. He'll be back in the air in an hour with Eva Air and I got curious to see what type of aircraft he'll be flying on and.

They have Hello Kitty jets. Of course they do!

 photo EvaAir_zpsdf700ac7.jpg

If he doesn't board a Hello Kitty jet I'm going to be mightily disappointed and also have nothing to tease him about.

He's leaving on a jet plane, or so I hope.
Scratch Things
Yeah, so.

Justin is due to leave Taipei in nine hours. Yay!

Earlier this week he said that he went to the government offices and they did stuff and things in preparation for him to leave. As an aside, he told me that government staff in charge of foreigners working/studying/visiting in Taiwan literally handle official paperwork by taking photocopies of stuff and things, and then cutting up pertinent parts (with scissors) and sticking them (with glue) onto official documents. It's first grade arts and crafts over there every day, all day.

I can just imagine those job interviews.

Interviewer: How did you do in first grade art class?

Hopeful cutter and gluer: Outstanding!

Interviewer: Would you say you can cut a straight line?

Hopeful cutter and gluer: When I'm sober, yes.

Interviewer: And how would you rate your gluing skills?

Hopeful cutter and gluer: I can glue the shit out of that son of a bitch!

Interviewer: And can you speak English at all?

Hopeful cutter and gluer: Not a fucking word!

Interviewer: You're hired!


So he gets a call from the cut and glue division of the government two days ago saying 'There's a problem with your paperwork.' and I'm all, 'Oh my god they're not going to let him leave! China has overthrown the Taiwanese government and...sealed off the island! And. He's...stuck there. Forever!'

Then yesterday he said that they had just stamped the wrong date on his paperwork, so he had to go traipsing back there to have that amended.

Which leads me to believe that they didn't cover 'How accurate are you in stamping dates?' in the job interview.

As an aside, these are the same people who registered his official address incorrectly, which came in very handy when he got a parking ticket last week. Not deliverable - not going to pay it.

So, back to that job interview:

Interviewer: How good are you at transcribing addresses?

Hopeful cutter and gluer: I'm numerically dyslexic.

Interviewer: Still hired!

As an aside aside, when he told me that he was stunned that he even got a parking ticket, I said, 'I thought you could hang a scooter off a light post and that would be perfectly legal.' and he said, 'It is, I've seen it done.'


He logs onto Skype an hour ago, and he tells me that he can't check in with the airline online and print his boarding pass.

And you know? Jesus Christ!

Normally, I would say no big deal, but right now? Not so much.

The universe is conspiring against me and giving me palpitations and an eye twitch and it's only 4:30 am.

I am picturing him at the airport trying to board an Asian airline that will bring him to Seoul and he'll say 'I couldn't check in online and print my boarding pass.' And they're going to say, 'Show me your paperwork.'

He'll bust out his stamped and cut and glued...mess, and they'll say, in Mandarin, 'Here's your problem. See this patch of paper right here? It wasn't cut in a straight line.'

Now, if this was me, I'd say something along the lines of, 'Mother of fuck!' but this is my son who never swears (Seriously, he never swears. How is it possible that he's my son?) and he'll say something like, 'I have a Fiskers paper cutter in my messenger bag. I'll correct the misalignment.'


He'll be home for eight weeks IF he manages to get on that god damned plane which takes off with or without him in now less than nine hours and counting.

So, IF he gets here, he'll arrive in Montreal at 9:00 pm tomorrow and give me a Samsung Galaxy cell phone which costs $350 here and which he paid $115 for in Taipei.

As another aside, he told me that it's completely ridiculous how much stuff is available in Taiwan. He wanted to buy shoes and the store had 8000 different styles and he walked out without shoes because of shoe oversaturation. I asked him to buy me some fabric and he walked into a store that had an ocean of fabric and he just stood there saying 'The ocean is made out of fabric. Who knew?' Same goes for electronics. He said there is an electronics mall that's the size of four giant Canadian malls, and all they sell is shiny techno. It's his favourite place in Taipei, he goes there and drools out the side of his mouth with a blank stare chanting 'Nirvana. Niiiiirvaaaaaaannnnnnnaaaaaaaa!'

Fun fact: There are more 7-11 stores per capita in Taiwan than any other place on earth. That's a lot of Twinkies.


I was all set and ready to buy a cell phone and at the last second as I was just about to hand over $350, I said to myself, I said, 'Self. What the hell? Justin< is in Taipei, the capital city of way cheaper stuff and things!' So I asked him if he would mind doing me a favour and buying me a cell phone, and he said, 'Hell yes! Trip to the electronics mall? Oh hell yes!'

On Friday he will probably be unconscious for much of the day, trying to adjust to the twelve hour time difference. On Saturday I'm having a backyard barbecue where my family and his father's family will be hugging the crap out of him and saying stuff like, 'My god, you've lost a lot of weight! You could totally pass as Asian!' and 'Say something in Mandarin!'

On Sunday he'll possibly nurse a hangover. On Monday he starts a full time job at McGill University. Yes, his entire 'vacation' will be spent working full time just like his 'year off' from learning stuff and things was spent working full time.

This kid. He wouldn't know how to relax if relax hit him upside the head.

Pretty Fishies
Scratch Things
 photo ClothesPegHolder003_zps1f2c7d71.jpg

Aren't they gorgeous?

The man at the pet store said they can live for six years. He said they're easy to take care of. I said, 'Huh, they're the cockroaches of the sea.' He laughed and said 'Yes!'

I killed them within two days.

Not a creature was stirring...
Scratch Things
 photo Annabelle004small_zps9192f48d.jpg

The Return of the Bandits
Scratch Things
On of the best things about summer:

Little Raccoon Dude photo RaccoonDude010_zps84eff791.jpg

Little Raccoon Dude photo RaccoonDude009_zpsd907eb03.jpg

He just took off with an over ripe banana. He'll be baaaack. Probably with some friends.

Aaaaaand, yes, he brought mama. She's under the table noshing. So adorable.

I just love these guys.


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